I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
