peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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