Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
