i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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