You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
