im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
