She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
