so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
