covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
