i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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