my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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