I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
