Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
