im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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