this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize