If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
