SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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