Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize