Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
