Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am available for nakedness
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
