just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
