I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
