I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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