I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
