sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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