There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
