Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
