i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
