Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
