I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I forget how to act sober
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
