dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize