dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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