okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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