I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
