I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize