i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
