In the future we'll all be gay
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
