Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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