No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
