I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize