Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
