you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
