i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
