I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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