apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
