the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
