it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
