Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
