Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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