Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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