we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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