What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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