five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
