They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
