is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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