One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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