maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think my vagina is haunted
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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