dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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