i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
