he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
