If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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