I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
