I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
