ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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